I’ve spent the last semester frazzled and scattered. I’m doing a lot and I’m accomplishing little. What do I do?

If you’ve spoken to me at all in the past semester or more, you’ve heard me both gloat and rant that I’m doing too much. I suppose after having internalized the tireless industriousness of my father and the New York/American Capitalist-Protestant ethic, I’ve figured I’m most happy when I’m stressed and I’m most stressed when I do too many things.

This semester I’m (poorly) juggling my beloved part-time job, an admittedly low-commitment research-training grant project, regular gym-going, 10 - 15 hours a week of music production and a couple more of writing. Added to the mix are classes among which is my intro to machine learning course that’s absolutely kicking my ass and a more manageable but time-consuming algorithms course.

What’s too much?

I was talking to my good friend Naftali recently about how I was sure I was spreading myself too thin - that I’d never accomplish the things I’d wanted to (or at the very least never on time) the way I was doing things.

He pointed out that the diversity of things my mind is absorbed by may directly contribute to my daily motivation, energy and creativity in each of the respective activities I’m engaged in. I’d have a hard time actually verifying this but I wager my gpa’d be better if I did. Either way he makes a good point.

Decision Paralysis

If my commitments were rote or formulaic I think I’d have a much easier time handling them. I’ve powered through semesters of mountainous but monotonous work in the past - but when I have so much decision making and creative control over what I do I’ve found I lose a lot of time to decision paralysis.

I can’t listen to metal without thinking about the riffs in my own work. I can’t see artwork without getting caught up in the album art I haven’t designed yet. I can’t read about cool WebGL shit without wishing I had the time to spare to create cool shit of my own with it. I can’t meet a writer without thinking about the screenwriting I’m not doing etc etc. My mind is constantly racing with my next moves for basically all of my projects at once and it’s too emotional for me to consider focusing on anything other than them. The emotional (and sometimes financial) opportunity cost of my time has grown astronomically.

But

I’ve never felt more motivated, energetic or excited on a day-to-day level. I think I’m experiencing logotherapy on a constant micro scale. I feel proud of my work, I enjoy my own work - because I’ve put in the time to develop my interests to where I can create the experiences I’d personally want to have. That, and the mere exposure effect, probably.

I can’t prove it, but I think I do feel more creative - at the very least I find myself applying the more general insights from one pursuit to my others.